Shoes

I don't know what it is about me and shoes. Shoes have always had a transformative effect on me. They can create a mood, change an appearance, lift one up or take one down. And, like I always said, no matter how fat I feel, I can always get a great pair of shoes.

They don't have to be fancy or expensive either. I have had times where I've walked into Payless or Target and bought a cute pair of something trendy that I wasn't sure I've wanted to buy, and have it be the most cathartic $15 I've spent all years (right up there with an eyebrow-wax).

When I was in 6th grade, my first year in California, I remember having a dress-up day in my Catholic school. I wore white patent-leather dress shoes. I was teased all day for their "little-girl" appearance. That was not fun. I quickly realized that shoes make quite an impression (and I don't think I would even let my 4-year-old wear a pair of white mary janes now, for fear that she won't look like a big girl).

About 15 years ago, I bought a pair of Doc Martens (blogged about previously). I had recently divorced and I felt incredibly empowered by those shoes. That was not a "dainty" time for me. I wanted to stomp on a lot of things, feelings, people, wanted to be a tough chick. I still have those shoes, and I still feel really strong when I put them on. But I do know better than to wear them with baby-doll dresses like I used to.

Shortly after that, I went through a "career girl" shoe phase. Stacked heel, square-toed loafers or pumps - are they considered pumps if the heel is high? I must have had every career girl color - black, dark brown, navy blue. I must have thought those shoes said, "I am serious." Those are not sexy shoes and they make me look like I have cankles. I do not have any of them anymore.

Maybe six years ago, I realized shoes were fun. I have a pair of red suede loafers that are tremendous fun. How can you not feel fun in red shoes? I also have a pair of purple slingback heels. I'm not sure what I thought I would wear them with when I bought them, but I loved them so much I still plan outfits around them.

I remember when I bought my beloved Isaac Mizrahi slingbacks. Finally, he marriage of "career girl" shoe with a rockin' stiletto heel. I bought them to go with a specific suit. When I got them home, I tried them on with the suit. They didn't go well together. I tried to return them the next day. It was painful -not the shoes, the thought of having to return them! So I didn't. I wore those freakin' shoes till the foundation cracked and the cobbler told me they couldn't be repaired anymore. I miss them. Sniff Sniff.

The high-heel has been a wardrobe staple for me. Don't get me wrong, I love flats too, love the comfort of my running shoes, the freedom of flip-flops, but heels are what make me feel terrific. I remember running from one terminal at San Jose airport clear to the other terminal in heels, with no problem. I recently busted tail over a guy in the airport while I was wearing 3-inch stilettos - he commented that he didn't know how I did it. Practice, my dear.

Last year, I had a little bit of an awakening, where I just kinda took a look at my closet and said, "If it doesn't make me feel good wearing it, I don't want it." I was determined to wear clothes that make me feel good. Shoes too. I happened upon a gift card and bought a pair of silver t-strap sandals with rhinestones. I don't know why I bought them. How frequently do you think I wear those shoes in my life as a suburban working mom (who works from home, BTW, and makes most outings to a park or to a store that involves "aisles")? I don't care. I put those shoes on and I feel GREAT. And I wear them with jeans, to dinner. Probably not what they were intended for, but I don't own a stripper pole.

This weekend, I happened upon another gift card plus an amazing couple of sales. I ended up buying a bunch of clothes for my family...and two pairs of really fun shoes for me!

You Just Can't Be Too Cautious

I worry about my kids. I will always worry about my kids. I always thought my mom worried too much about us, but I get it. I will personally hurt whomever intentionally hurts my child.

I took a class at church this past weekend about creating safe environments for children. I just watched the news this week as a family lost their 17-year-old daughter who never came back from a run. And I was reminded that there is a registered sex offender who lives in my neighborhood. If there is an open house on my street any weekend, cars come whipping around the corner. So forgive me if I don't let my little kids play in front of the house without me or another capable person watching them.

And if you do allow that for your little kids? Well, I just don't get you. If I can't see or at least hear my kids at all times when it's my watch, then I'm not doing my job. I even struggle letting my 6-year-old son use the public men's room by himself (but I do it...if I am standing right outside). And, sorry ladies, he is coming into the public ladies room with me. I don't live in the deep woods, I don't live in the city. Most of my neighbors are good, safe people. But - and I can't believe I am quoting my mother - there are a lot of weirdos out there.

My kids wear helmets when they ride their bikes and scooters. It just takes seeing a cracked bike helmet one time to convince you how worthwhile that is.

So, forgive me if I freak out when my husband tells me that he's agreed to let the 6-year-old go home from school with one of his classmates. I am sure his parents are fine, decent people. But I have never been to their house. I don't know if they have vicious dogs. I don't know if they have guns. I don't know if they have an unsecured pool. I don't know that they don't have a dirty house (and my standards on that are pretty low, but still, don't know!). I had to put my foot down.

Am I over-reacting? Maybe. But if my kids are ever in harm's way in a situation I have allowed, then it's no one's fault but mine. It will be on no one's conscience but my own. I still have nightmares about the time I totalled our car with two kids in it, and I was six months pregnant. I know it was an accident. I tried like hell to avoid it. Maybe I did keep them from getting hurt but it could have been worse and it would have been on my watch.

I do not keep them wrapped in plastic. They get hurt. Two of my three kids have been in the ER for xrays for stupid things that happened right in front of me. I know I can't prevent everything and I have to give them some element of freedom.

I also know it's only gonna get worse as they get older. 10 years from now, they will be doing things I don't know about and not telling me. They willl lie to me about where they've been probably (and the odds of them having as many "broken watches" as I had are pretty low). I can only hope I give them the knowledge to keep themselves safe. It starts with the parents.