Why Are Curls a Curse?

The other day my daughter said to me, "I wish my hair was straight." She is 4.

My tiny, pixie girl has beautiful hair. It's grown halfway down her back, and we are trying to grow out her bangs for the third time (after attempts thwarted first by her and most recently by her 2-year-old sister). It is a deep brown color with golden-honey highlights most women, mom included, pay good money for. And it is not straight.

It's not exactly curly either. It's got a distinct wave and little curls on the end. It can be straightened with a hair dryer if I can get her to sit still long enough. But it's curly enough to get very tangled, flippy, and bird's-nest-like.

So what brought about this comment? Mom's fault. She caught me with the flat iron. She inherited her waves and curls from me, except years of processing, blow drying, and flat ironing have left me with a tinge (OK, more than a tinge) of frizz that make my hair, in it's curly state, look like a cross between "attempted sexy bed-head" and "light socket victim." And on the occasional days I have to go into the office, or her dad and I have date night, or some other public occasion, she will always catch me straightening it. And on school picture days, first day of school, or some other photo-op day, I will straighten hers too.

I don't want her to ever think that her curls are less than beautiful. I know I have given her the wrong impression. I have a neighbor with gorgeous curly hair, and her 4-year-old inherited her mom's gorgeous curly hair. They are beautiful. They embrace their curls. I'll bet they even appreciate their curls. I need to have my daughter hang out with them more. Show her how beautiful curls are.

Of course I also worry that one I-want-to-change-this-about-myself comment made at 4 is a precursor to personal-image issues and body-dismorphic foreshadowing. I will freak the first time she makes a "this makes my [bottom] look big" comment (no, she is not allowed to say "butt"). I realize that her learning to be comfortable with herself the way she is, is to set the example myself and surround her and her sister with the same. I need to make sure she knows she does not need to change anything about herself to please anyone.

I think tomorrow, after her bath, I will get out the diffuser and make her hair really fluffy and big and show her how pretty it is. And then I will hand her the blow dryer, diffuser attached, and have her do the same to me.